What is PMS?
A woman of child-bearing age has a monthly cycle (the menstrual cycle), that causes her to produce an egg every 28 days or so. If the egg is not fertilised then her body flushes it out and she bleeds (she has her period).
In the days before she has her period, she may experience physical and/or psychological changes. Although not fully understood, it’s believed that this is linked to changing hormonal levels during her monthly cycle. Sometimes the symptoms are mild, but some women dread this time of the month because their symptoms cause major disruption to their life.
Symptoms of PMS
While the following list of symptoms may be caused by other conditions, they are also common indicators of PMS:
• Mood swings and/or depression
• Irritability and/or aggression
• Crying for no obvious reason
• Temperamental and increased emotional sensitivity
• Excessive tiredness
She may also experience:
• Headaches or migraines
• Tender or painful breasts
• Swelling or bloating
It’s common for women with PMS to see a gradual worsening of their symptoms during the week running up to their period, with a rapid or gradual disappearance of symptoms when their period starts. However, for some women, symptoms may last during their period or even for a couple of days after it has finished.
Living with PMS
So how do you live with someone who has PMS without wanting to kill them?! Here are some tips I’ve learned:
1. Learn to count! Yes, I’m serious – the cycle happens about every 28 days so remember when the last PMS episode occurred then calculate when it’ll happen again. Mark it on a calendar if necessary but trust me, counting the days is the easiest & most reliable method.
2. Recognise the signs. If your partner does not usually show any of the symptoms listed above, and then suddenly she does (without any other reasons), then there’s a good chance she has PMS. So paying attention to her moods and knowing when they change can be a useful indicator of her state of mind.
3. Ask her! If she tells you that she’s suddenly very tired or is feeling irritable, then saying to her “are you due for your period?” would be a reasonable and acceptable question. In fact she’ll probably appreciate the fact that you’re willing and able to talk about it with her.
4. Understand what she needs. When she has PMS she feels bad enough already without needing to feel guilty for her behaviour, so don't escalate the situations into arguments. Try to smooth things over, tell her you understand she's not herself and re-assure her that you still love her no matter what.
It’s important for a woman to know that her partner has accepted PMS as a very real thing and that the symptoms will happen every month. If he’s ready to accept that and will find ways to deal with it then she’ll appreciate his support and the relationship will benefit.
In conclusion, PMS is a very real phenomenon for the majority of women and is responsible for a variety of symptoms that can affect moods and feelings. PMS can have detrimental effects on relationships but understanding it can help couples overcome the problems and build a stronger bond. Especially if you’ve both talked about PMS and you’ve taken the time to understand how it affects her.
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